Xanni about his 322 in Team Empire and Sensibility

Hello everyone, this is xannyy (Retrograde, xannyy). You may know me as a former Gambit, HellRaisers or Paseka player. I must say right away that I am not looking for pity or support by publishing this letter. My goal is to be honest about what happened to me a year ago when I was playing in the lower DPC division for Team Empire and decided to play 322.

Before all this happened, the spring of 2022 was the D2CL era. At that time, I played for the NoMonkeyBusiness stack with 19teen, MieRo and illusion, and the “five” was constantly changing. Due to the situation in the world, we didn't have the opportunity to play DPC qualifiers, so all we had left was D2CL.

Then we played without a salary, and many of us wrote to people who offered to merge matches - this often happens on the tier-2 scene. I refused everyone and did not think about 322. We had agreements with some organizations: there were chances that our lineup would be signed to the DPC if we performed normally.

As for me, at that time I did not earn money: from the spring of 2021, when we did not qualify for the DPC with VP.Prodigy, and until the summer of 2022, I did not receive a penny from Dota. At first, I borrowed money for living and renting an apartment from Ivan Karpov, the current manager of VP. At some point, I accumulated 180,000 rubles debts, which my family eventually paid off.

Since I had no money, I moved out to relatives. At the time of playing NMB, I had already lived with them for about six months and promised that I would soon get on my feet. But months went by, and I still had no money to move out or show that I was not sitting idly by on their necks.

As a result, we were not signed with NMB, but they took me to Empire, where there was also no salary. To be honest, it was not the best period in my life. In Dota, I didn’t succeed either: I wasn’t satisfied with the results, my game form, I didn’t play where I wanted to. I was disappointed in everything and thought: “Fuck it all, I won’t play Dota anymore.”

I agreed with Sensibility, who wrote to me back in NMB, to drain two matches: against YNT on D2CL S12 and Hydra on DPC. He promised to pay $4,500 for three cards, and I agreed. At that time, Morf already had a video about this person. Everyone knew that he was a fool who should not be messed with, but for some reason this did not stop me from doing so. I did it on emotions, like a child, without thinking about the team and the consequences.

Then 633 and Shachlo played with me, as well as squad1x and jAMES. I knew Stas and Maxim for many years, they treated me well, but I framed them. It's clear that the guys are not fools and immediately understood everything - it was very pale. After a couple of days, I realized that I do a complete *** [garbage], but it was already too late.

After a while, the manager of Empire wrote to me: “We’ll play without you, we won’t make a fuss.” After that, I called 633 and Shachlo and explained that I had done bullshit. During the call, I didn't even know what to say to them other than, "Sorry guys, I'm stupid. That's how it happened." They were silent, they were very hurt, because they tried. Shachlo, for obvious reasons, immediately unfriended me.

A week after leaving Empire, 633 texted me and offered to play qualify at ESL. He said something like: “I don't care what you did there. I still want to play with you." That's how much a person believed in me, but I acted badly and, moreover, stupidly.

To be honest, this could have been done without a fawn and through other people who would not merge you. But I didn't do either. For my "work" I received $2,000 [120,000] from Sensibility, a modest amount by the standards of the 322 scene. I just skipped this earnings, as I received the first money in 1.5 years and didn’t think about anything else then. After that, I stopped playing Dota for about 2 months and had no intention of returning.

Then Sensibility started blackmailing me. For the next year after the Empire incident, he threatened to leak information about me if I didn't continue playing 322. I didn't know what to do in this situation.

Months later, I realized that I still want to return and try to break through, but not to merge the matches. Then I thought that if I try and play well, then people will see it and invite me to the team. Sat and up rank, stayed in the top 10. I wrote to all the teams in the top division, but they didn't take me anywhere. Everyone in the community knows each other, so things like this spread very quickly - it was expected, so I went to the lower division in HF.

When I got there, Sensibility began to blackmail me again and offered 322. At first I simply ignored him, but he promised to leak the story to the media and write to Valve.

When he told me about it, they began to add to me a lot of things with which I was not connected. The HF organization was forced to pay Sensibility $2,000 for silence. Thus, the conflict was resolved, but in fact it just played into his hands.

Then I moved to the European organization iVy, and the situation repeated itself. He again began to write to me and promised to report to the management, but I went into a total ignore. It all put pressure on me, so I decided to talk about it.

When I first shared what I did in Empire, I realized how one act can cast a big shadow on everything that I did before. First, I told Nix about the situation. With Sasha, we generally believed that we ideally stacked: he invested in me, we played together, but we didn’t succeed. When some of the details leaked out to the media, Aldar [Jamba], who was our HR manager, wrote to me. They both asked suspiciously about whether I leaked for HR when we were together - it was very unpleasant. After talking, I felt that even my friends were disappointed in me, and we moved away from each other.

I wanted to clean up and get back my reputation, but I was listed as a fierce 322, and I got lost. Not only because of this, of course. I was always told: “You are a promising guy, but something is missing.” But this is if we take the situation with 322 out of the scope and talk only about a career.

Recently, I started a Twitch stream for my friends, and a random person came into the chat and started writing: “What is it like to constantly merge?” This was probably the last straw, so I decided to tell everyone about it.

I definitely don't want to be involved in something I'm not guilty of. And if you judge me, then for what I really was guilty of. I know that 322-shil only then, in two matches for Empire, for which I am ready to be punished and condemned. I have nothing to do with other things. I'd rather know I'm not being picked on teams because I'm a bad player than think everyone thinks I'm a 322 freak. And it’s better if I get banned for the cause, but I will be with a clear conscience - I’m ready for this.

Of course, at times I regretted what I had done, I regretted it very much, but otherwise I am grateful for what happened, regardless of whether they banned me or not. I was able to draw conclusions, I was able to see that sometimes I can do not the most conscientious actions in relation to myself and others.

This is unsettling, but at the same time sobering. And, looking at myself from the outside, I can understand why I am where I am, and my friends, with whom I started my career, travel the world from one tournament to another. I wish our teams to perform well at the upcoming TI12, and for those who have read to the end, I wish you to live in good conscience and appreciate what you have.

I also want to apologize to my former teammates and everyone I let down. I hope I will be a good example of what not to do.